This used to be just another day in the calendar. Now for me, the second of May has become a day of sorrow, but also of deep love. This day witnessed the feeling of an extraordinary love expressed in the sorrow of a heartbreaking loss. How a day can change our hearts, I often wonder. And how one moment makes life completely different.

Last year on the second of May, Max, my dearest dog and best friend, passed away while the afternoon sun was shining on Sydney’s harbour, and the autumn breeze was making its way through our  garden.  I stood there, motionless, couldn’t believe that he had gone. Just like that. One minute ago he was still there, his eyes trying to tell me something, perhaps a good-bye; and as the breeze passed, he went as well. Just gone, and forever gone. That afternoon of the second of May became the darkest moment of my life. I remember it was a lovely sunny bright day. 

Now today, the second of May one year later, I stroked Max’s face on the cover of my book and said thank you to God who created him and our relationship. God gave me an enduring love I never knew could be possible. This experience not just surprised me by joy, it also opened a new door in my life. Last year today, In that transforming moment, from existence to non- existence, I realised how much I had changed.   

Love continues to intrigue us. Often it’s when we lose someone that we feel the depth of our love; and if we haven’t experienced the loss of a true love, we are not aware of our capacity for love. It seems that true love surfaces as death marks the finality. But Max gave me his deep love as soon as he moved into our home. There was not a time he held back his feelings, and my love for him grew enormously.  So it didn’t require death for me to realise our special love. But because of what he has given me, I now understand what it means to be in anguish, and the pain is as deep as our love. Amazingly its purity and abundance have given me strength to embrace life again. How inspiration can rise from our loss. One of those paradoxes that often bewilder us.

The second of May has then become a day of mixed feelings. Love and sorrow. Joy and grief. End and beginning. Weakness and strength. Loss and discovery.

I shall spend every second of May pondering all this. 

One year without you has gone, my dear Max. Not a day has passed without me thinking of you. I hope you are somewhere running in the green fields. Do not forget to have a drink after the run. And don’t worry about me, Mami is doing alright. Perhaps one day we shall meet again. Who really knows? Thank you for all that is you.